( Nov. 17th, 2014 09:01 pm)
Doing holiday decor installation at a super fancy mall tonight. Shift starts at 9:30pm. Tried to sleep during the day some and was sort of successful, but now that the time draws near I want nothing more than to curl up in my warm bed and sleep.

I shouldn't have volunteered for this. I did not think it through. Instead of having hours on Monday and Tuesday during the day, I just get a couple at night.

Bleh.
( Oct. 26th, 2014 06:46 pm)
This post is mostly about proving to myself I had a productive weekend and SHOULD NOT FEEL BADLY. No matter how much I do, I always think I should've done more. But here goes:

Bought gas
Cashed paycheck
Returned (not) floating log
Traded in video games
Looked for tennis shoes
Bought hangers
Got a flu shot
Took out garbage
Took out recycling
Finally got the papasan out of my car
Put an ad on craigslist for it
Sold it for $20 (woo!)
Added fresh water for the fish

I started laundry, but it's been stuck with a load in the washer and a load in the dryer for nearly 24 hours now because I can't find it in myself to get up and fix it. I had my first real meal (not cereal) of the weekend earlier.

I need to:
sort out student loans
figure out how much my health insurance costs

apply for at least the 3 jobs mom sent me today (1/3 isn't bad)
work on getting reference letters for grad school
figure out grad school application process
clean the rest of my kitchen
figure out lunch for the upcoming week.


Edited to add updates. I have a really good friend that helped encourage me to get shit done. I'm awesome.
( Oct. 12th, 2014 08:10 pm)
Work has been going fine. I'm driving out to the new site, which saves gas, and then spending the money I saved on lunch. Luckily there are lots of restaurants within a 5 minute drive of the place. It's going pretty well out there. After two straight days of organizing we finally started decorating. It'll be interesting to see how much longer this project takes.

Lately my social life has consisted of going to Rae's house to watch her play Mass Effect. I do lunch with my coworkers sometimes, but I generally find that a full day of work is enough (if not too much) social interaction for me. In any case, yesterday was the second time I went over to her place. We had snacks and laughs. Good times.

Here's the really exciting and/or confusing part: this girl on tumblr. We met on omegle and followed each other for about 2 years before actually starting to talk. Now we text every day. I want to tell her everything about my life and what I'm doing. I never really saw the point of things like instagram or putting photos on facebook or selfies, but I take pictures all the time and send them to her. (this is what I'm decorating, look I cleaned my living room, omg my face is covered in glitter, I got a cute little terrarium, etc) I want to know what she's up to and if her day is going well, to hear about her classes and her writing projects. We flirt like nuts. I really like her. I sent her a text that was meant to say "morning, sunshine" except I hit the wrong keys and autocorrect happened. Now we call each other submarine.

We've essentially acknowledged that were we living in the same area we would want to at least go out on a date. Since we're not, we're just kind of... providing emotional support and flirting and encouraging one another to be social and productive.

I dunno guys. I can't remember the last time I ever talked to someone this much. It makes me really happy and also kind of sad. She's on the other side of the country.
( Oct. 7th, 2014 10:17 pm)
While overall things in my life are going well, I'm hitting a small rough patch. Sleeplessness and exhaustion, mixed with some things at work that I'm not pleased about are making things difficult. I like most of my coworkers, but there are exceptions. The girl that started the same day I did (the first holiday staff to start) is very nice. But then her sister got hired and her best friend got hired. The three of them do more sitting around and talking than actual work. They also speak Spanish to one another, so if the four of us are working on something together, I'm completely left out of the conversation. It's frustrating, and even more so is that my supervisor knows what's happening but can't do anything about it, aside from try to split them up often and 'babysit' them with little tasks. They don't take any initiative to find work to do; if they finish something they just sit around until someone comes to find them and explicitly tells them to do something.

To make this even worse, we're going off site for the next few days to work on an account. For some reason their stuff isn't stored in our warehouse, but in another one and we have to go there to decorate about 30 trees of varying sizes. Not everyone is going. Those three, my supervisor (that I like), the boys (two of them, whom I like) and their 'supervisor' dude that annoys the heck out of me because he acts superior and in charge when he's not. He has this habit of giving very condescending advice about how to tape boxes and stuff like that. Dude, it's not complicated. You take a box and you tape it together. You don't have to show us/lecture us/do it for us. It's not rocket science.

It's a huge project and will take a lot of work. The majority of the team is not industrious and not my favourite. On top of this, the warehouse doesn't have a fridge or a microwave and we'll be going in the company van. The boss was just like, "bring non-perishables for lunch". Great, thanks, I don't have anything but yogurt and cold leftovers. Not helpful.

I'm really tired so I'm trying to sleep more, but for some reason I'm /still/ tired after a full night of rest. I came home from work today (around 4:30) and went to bed. Got up around 8. Still tired but unable to sleep anymore. Ugh.
Tags:
( Oct. 4th, 2014 04:34 pm)
Since we last spoke, I received my bachelor's degree in Anthropology, visited Vegas, moved to Seattle two months ahead of schedule, got a car, apartment, furniture, bike and fish. I've held three different jobs.

It's been a while, huh?

Important things first: my fish's name is Bucky and he is a beautiful and spoiled Betta. I got him a floating log and everything. He's kind of mad at me because I had to switch his plant for a new one and the new one doesn't have huge leaves. The old one was dying of something gross and I didn't want him to get sick.

I'm currently working for a company that does large scale commercial level Christmas decorations. This is a fancy way of saying I work in a warehouse sorting ornaments, putting them on pipe cleaners, boxing things up and labeling things. The highlight of last week was that I got to decorate a sconce. We do some decoration at the warehouse, but at my position it's primarily, "Make a copy (or three) of this thing." This week it was sconces. I've also done a huge wreath and two trees on my own.I have nice coworkers, a regular pay check and a pretty good commute. The only downside is that once January comes and everything is undecorated I'll be out of a job.

As Christmas grows closer, my job will become more about going to buildings and doing the actual decorating. I'm pretty excited about that. We're doing malls and office buildings and all sorts of things. I always come home covered in glitter and I imagine that's only going to get worse.

All things considered, I'm doing pretty well. I've made a few friends, have a small social life when I have the energy to go out and pursue it, and I don't think I've cried about being in a new place for at least two weeks. It's starting to feel like home. It helps that I'm going to a family wedding late November and then my mom is coming to stay with me through December.

My sink is full of dishes, my apartment is a mess, and I'm fighting with the website to get proper healthcare so I can stop paying a bajillion dollars a month for my prescriptions. It's frustrating and overwhelming, but I'm doing all right over all. I'm managing.
( Jan. 29th, 2014 12:43 pm)
It's been pretty chilly here the past week or so. The heat at work got busted so I had two shifts in a freezing store. I can't seem to shake the shivers. Taken to wearing a hat and scarf all the time, even inside.

I'm not doing great right now. Whatever senioritis I had last semester has tripled in strength this semester. This is the third week in of the semester and I still haven't managed to go to all of my classes three days in a row. I'm cold, I'm tired and my head hurts. I don't want to do anything at all. I think I'm going to cancel my therapy this afternoon because I am too cold to go out. Made it to meet with my mentor for brunch this morning, but detoured to the library instead of class because I got too cold to walk all the way there. I'm currently working up the nerve to go outside again so that I can get home.  If I could just warm up accomplishing things might be easier, but I can't. I'm a freaking popsicle. 
( Jan. 17th, 2014 10:20 am)
Hoping all my peeps in Australia are okay. Stay safe from the wildfire, yeah? 
( Jan. 11th, 2014 01:19 pm)
Happy New Year everyone!

I spent the holidays with family and the first week of January with raelet doing nothing but playing video games and watching television. It was the best. Now I'm back in DC and I'm having trouble adjusting. I haven't been sleeping well, have been sleeping a lot and am not really sure I'm ready for classes to start on Monday.

My left shoulder/arm feels like it's constantly in a state of falling asleep as well and I dunno if that's because I slept on it weird or what, but it's getting pretty uncomfortable. Hoping that I can take a quick nap this afternoon and then wake up and be productive. Fingers crossed!
( Dec. 21st, 2013 11:16 pm)
Worked a ten hour shift at the store today. I was positive about halfway through that I was going to die, but I didn't and I prevailed. I'm working a BUNCH these next few days, which is exhausting. I'm glad I'll have some extra money though.

After walking home on my poor tired feetsies I received another surprise! A lovely card in the mail from [livejournal.com profile] theotherdibbler. It had a nice note in it and really made me smile after such a long day. I haven't gotten many Christmas cards, but this one is going on my fridge. *nod nod*
( Nov. 19th, 2013 09:14 pm)
Things are generally going smoothly; I just wanted to let you all know.

I've picked up shifts form Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday this week, and have a paper to write for Tuesday on a book I haven't finished. That being said, though, things could be worse and I think I'm going to manage. I hope. I will go back to working on school stuff now. Can't wait for a bit of a break with Thanksgiving.
( Nov. 12th, 2013 04:42 pm)
I feel really awful. I have a headache and am drowning in an unfortunate wave of "I hate myself" thoughts. I have one more class this evening and I really need to go, but I don't know how to pull myself together.
( Nov. 1st, 2013 02:52 pm)
For National Novel Writing Month [livejournal.com profile] nano_haven is up and running, for those who are interested. I'd love to see you all around, whether you're participating this year or not. Membership is moderated, but let me know if you want in and I'll add you!
( Sep. 15th, 2013 11:04 pm)
My grandfather passed away earlier this evening. My third grandfather-- the father of my sister's father. He's been sick for a very long time and I sort of mourned him when his wife died about nine years ago. We didn't visit as much after that. It was too hard. My sister called to tell me. We'll know about funeral arrangements sometime tomorrow.

I know it's normal to cry and mourn and be upset. I'm just tired of doing so. Mom passed along that he was going into hospice care a few days ago. So everything's just kind of awful.
( Apr. 23rd, 2013 04:42 pm)
I feel like this semester I have the heaviest workload I've ever faced at the end of the semester. Three research papers, two take home exams, three quizzes, two Final Exams, and a project.

It's been a busy time, to say the least. I feel like I'm chugging along all right, though. The last exam is May 13th. I'm staying to see graduation happen the weekend after that, then flying to my grandparent's house. I'll be staying with them this summer. My parents are coming to visit for a few weeks right at the beginning of break, so I'll have a nice relaxing time with them. I have a lot to look forward to, once I get through with all of this school work.

Also: I have a date with a girl I met on okc. We're going to the national aquarium on Saturday. I'm dreadfully nervous, but it would be great to make a friend (or girlfriend), especially considering many of my friends are graduating this year.

Hope everyone's well. <3
( Feb. 27th, 2013 08:45 pm)
Hi friends. Long time no update and for that I apologize. If you want to see what I'm reblogging and a couple of tiny fly by updates of my life, you can follow me on tumblr: sebastianmeringue.tumblr.com. Since I'm here and intend to be every so often (because I love you guys and goodness it's nice to make a big long post about myself) I figured I'd give you an update.

Right now I'm in school. I'm looking for a job now and for the summer. I'm looking for a place to live in the summer. I'm looking for a therapist and a place that gives massages that are cheap. I'm going to class, to the chiropractor, to the neurologist, and to the psychiatrist. I'm waiting to hear about my grades from last semester and from a woman I called about an internship. I left a message that made me sound like an idiot, so she probably won't call.

All right, yeah. I'm making this post because I have to write an essay and I'm putting it off. But as you can see, there's a lot going on in my life right now. I went to a job fair and it was kind of horrible. My social anxiety is getting worse, and I'm two weeks off one of my prescriptions that I really really need to get filled tomorrow. Mostly I want to curl up in bed and not get out ever. I intend to do this on Friday at approximately 5:15 (which is enough time after my last class to get home).

Tomorrow I have a paper due and Friday I have a statistics midterm (a class which I have missed the majority of) and a physics quiz (a class that I just suck at in general). Once this week is over I can breath a bit. In two weeks it'll be spring break and I'm going to Seattle to play video games, watch movies, hang out and do nothing productive. I'm rather excited.

I hope you're all doing well. Much love to those whose birthdays I missed, and those I haven't spoken with in a while. I haven't forgotten you, it's just been a bit of a nightmare lately, you know?
( Jan. 7th, 2013 12:04 pm)
This is Clarence Mr Unnamed Dude

PICT0357
Mom bought a package of eye stickers, so I figured I'd give him a face. :)
( Jan. 6th, 2013 05:03 pm)
Sudden bout of what is probably stress induced apathy.

Jobs are coming in steadily (at an increasingly overwhelming pace) on Elance.

Tuesday I take the bus back to DC.

I've become obsessed with these little dudes: http://www.flickr.com/photos/linyc/2961370650/

Ordered one off of Etsy and picked up another, who is living on my desk at the hotel.
( Dec. 8th, 2012 11:41 am)
I go home on Wednesday, I go home on Wednesday, la la la la laaa!

Visits were good. All my visitors left me feeling considerably less stressed out. Only bad part is that they got me sick. Three more papers to go and I've decided to be an actual good student and do my best to do all the research, then just write them. Rather than half heartedly doing both at the same time and finishing them the day that they're due. I have reached the point where I mostly don't care about how I do any more. I just want to be done. So I'm focusing on finishing them and then I will be. 

I'm a bit annoyed that I was so excited to come to London and I've hardly done any of the touristy things I wanted to do. I'm going to have to think hard and make a list of things I did this term so that I can report to the extended family, rather than just saying, "Well, I was kind of depressed so I spent 85% of my time in my room, and 14% in class." I'm sitting in the British Library as I type this-- they sell strawberries with clotted cream here, which is wonderful, but they have no tissues and I forgot mine, so I'm about to head back to my dorm. Maybe I'll be back tomorrow. Free internet, nice atmosphere. What's not to like?

Hope you're all doing fabulously. <3 
( Nov. 30th, 2012 02:37 pm)
The first of four visitors got here yesterday (she's staying with someone else so we just had dinner and may or may not see each other again) and the second arrived this morning. There was a bit of panic as we couldn't find each other but that's sorted. Sent her off to Trafalager Square, Covent Garden and to do the London Eye, while I sit here and try to negotiate class and work. Then we'll go pick up the third, and tomorrow my parents are coming in.

I know I'll feel better in a bit, once I get to relax with my friends and parents. Right now I'm trying to focus.

It's gotten to that point where I wonder if I can actually do this. School, I mean. If I wouldn't be better off taking a semester or a year and pulling myself together. Sorting my meds, getting a steady therapist. I feel so lost and out of control. I know my work this semester has been incredibly sub-standard and I'm not even sure I'll get credit for some of my classes. 

I need to stop doing freelance work so that I have time and energy for school work. But when I do, I get stressed out about not having money. So I sign up for freelance work, and then it's just a vicious cycle. I guess I'll talk about it with my parents. I'm off to do some essay research.
( Nov. 24th, 2012 03:53 pm)
Last post I said something about not doubting my major. I'm withdrawing that statement. I've become annoyed and bored with anthropology, tired of studying it and not being able to see why a lot of the subjects we cover matter or what the point of it all is. I miss   English papers. I have no doubt that having such an anthropological background will better inform my work as an English major. This decision has made doing work in my current classes even more difficult and I feel as though I'm constantly struggling.

This struggle is hindered by a deterioration of my general mental well being. Every other day I feel like I'm a small mistake away from a total meltdown. It's exhausting. It's detrimental to my productivity and I am really just sick of feeling badly all the time and hating social interaction. Trying some vitamin supplements that supposedly help with mood swings and trying to take care of myself, but it's difficult when a lot of days I don't want to do anything but sleep, and the thought of doing something makes me cry. On top of this, I have less money available for the rest of the term than I feel comfortable with. Finding energy for school work and freelance jobs is really difficult.

It's not all bad. I've been roleplaying via email with a girl who likes to chat and has been really supportive and helpful in our daily interactions. My parents and two friends are coming to visit next weekend. Today I'm in Cambridge (I paid for a day trip ages back and totally did not want to come. However, here I am. I've holed up in a couple of different cafes and worked on school work, so the day isn't a waste. I've definitely been more productive than I would have been if I stayed home.). I can't wait until the Christmas holidays.
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